Parenting advice is everywhere. From social media influencers to bestselling books, new strategies emerge every day, promising to make parenting easier and children better behaved. However, not all advice is created equal, and some trends gain popularity despite being ineffective—or even harmful. While well-meaning parents may rush to try the latest methods, many find themselves frustrated when these approaches fail to deliver results. Here are some of the most common trending parenting tips that simply don’t work, and what you should do instead.
1. Ignoring Tantrums Completely
One popular piece of parenting advice is to ignore tantrums entirely. The idea is that children throw tantrums to seek attention, so by not giving in, parents can discourage the behavior. However, this approach often backfires.
Young children don’t throw tantrums just to manipulate parents; they do it because they are overwhelmed with emotions they don’t yet know how to regulate. Completely ignoring their distress can make them feel abandoned and misunderstood, leading to more intense outbursts in the future.
What to Do Instead: Acknowledge your child’s feelings while setting boundaries. Saying something like, “I see that you’re upset. It’s okay to be frustrated, but we don’t hit,” helps them feel heard while reinforcing proper behavior. Teaching emotional regulation skills is more effective than simply ignoring their struggles.
2. Always Distracting a Child From Their Feelings
A trending strategy among parents is to distract children from their feelings. For example, if a child is sad, parents might hand them a toy or start singing a song to shift their attention. While this might stop the crying momentarily, it does not help children develop emotional intelligence.
When children are constantly distracted from their feelings, they miss out on the opportunity to process emotions and learn healthy coping mechanisms. Over time, they may struggle with emotional regulation because they were never taught how to deal with their feelings constructively.
What to Do Instead: Instead of immediately distracting your child, help them identify and work through their emotions. A simple “I see that you’re feeling sad. It’s okay to feel that way. Do you want a hug?” can be much more beneficial in the long run. Teaching kids to express and understand their emotions is a critical life skill.
3. Always Letting Kids Lead the Way
The modern parenting trend of letting children lead in every decision—what to eat, when to sleep, what activities to do—stems from the belief that kids need independence. While independence is important, too much decision-making power can overwhelm young children.
Kids thrive on structure and routine. When given too much freedom, they may feel anxious and uncertain because they lack the experience to make the best choices. For example, letting a child decide their bedtime every night can result in poor sleep habits and cranky mornings.
What to Do Instead: Offer choices within boundaries. Instead of asking, “What do you want for dinner?” try, “Would you like chicken or pasta for dinner?” This allows children to practice decision-making within a structured framework, reducing anxiety while promoting independence.
4. Praising Intelligence Over Effort
Telling kids they’re “so smart” might sound like great encouragement, but research has shown that praising intelligence can actually discourage hard work. When children believe their success is based on innate ability rather than effort, they may avoid challenges out of fear of failure.
A child who is constantly told they are smart may develop a fixed mindset, believing their intelligence is set and unchangeable. This can lead to anxiety when faced with difficult tasks, as they worry about proving their “smart” label wrong.
What to Do Instead: Praise effort, persistence, and problem-solving skills. Saying, “I love how hard you worked on that puzzle!” encourages children to embrace challenges and develop a growth mindset, where they understand that skills and intelligence can improve with effort.
5. Using Time-Outs as a Cure-All
Time-outs are one of the most commonly used discipline techniques, but they are often misused. Some parents rely on time-outs as a quick fix for every behavioral issue, believing that isolating a child will make them think about their actions and learn self-control.
However, children, especially younger ones, often don’t have the emotional maturity to reflect on their actions during a time-out. Instead, they may feel abandoned, confused, or even resentful, which can lead to more behavioral problems rather than fewer.
What to Do Instead: Use time-ins instead of time-outs. A time-in involves sitting with your child, helping them calm down, and discussing their emotions and behavior. This approach fosters connection and teaches emotional regulation rather than just punishing behavior.
6. Expecting Kids to Share Everything
Many parents believe that forcing children to share will make them more generous and kind. While sharing is an important social skill, expecting young children to hand over their favorite toy just because another child wants it can create resentment rather than generosity.
Kids need time to develop a sense of ownership before they can truly understand sharing. Forcing them to give up something they love can make them feel powerless rather than teaching them the value of kindness.
What to Do Instead: Teach turn-taking instead of forced sharing. Saying, “It looks like you’re enjoying that toy. When you’re done, your friend can have a turn,” helps children learn generosity at their own pace. Modeling kind and considerate behavior is more effective than demanding immediate sharing.
Final Thoughts
Parenting trends come and go, but just because a piece of advice is popular doesn’t mean it works. Ignoring tantrums, constantly distracting kids, giving them too much control, praising intelligence over effort, overusing time-outs, and forcing sharing are all well-intentioned strategies that often backfire.
Instead, focus on balanced approaches that teach children emotional intelligence, self-regulation, and problem-solving skills. Setting clear but fair boundaries, validating emotions, and offering guidance rather than control will help children grow into confident, resilient individuals. Effective parenting is not about following the latest trends but about understanding what truly helps children thrive.
